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7 July 2008, 1:22 PM
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Dee
Joined 23 Jun 2007
1216 posts
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is there a section here to discuss problems with relationships ?as in marriage probs so to speak right now i could use a shoulder and advice as things are bad at home but i dont have close friends i can turn to
i know this isnt right area but i can only find children section and theres so much good advice given on here
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7 July 2008, 2:20 PM
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WildMare
Joined 13 Jun 2008
11 posts
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Sorry to hear about your marriage problems but if you want someone to chat to I will give you my email address. Don't think you are on your own as my husband and I have had our problems too.
Take care
Carol
___________________
Live each day as it comes
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7 July 2008, 2:40 PM
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Dee
Joined 23 Jun 2007
1216 posts
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aww thanks :0) i really dont know which way to turn right now things havent been right for a long time now but yesterday i took the decision to open the can of worms and force us to address them
only to find hubby hadnt thought same way as me to say i was horrifed i had given him food for thought when i didnt have to is an understatement but i couldnt go on as it was so in one way it was good in another i now have to face the real possiblilty that its over now well i know it is in fact and i havent a clue how to cope alone or how to be till he has done his thinking its hell the love is still there on both sides but thats about it the biggest problem is my temper and negativity on life which if i have a reason to i can control but i think its come to late and that scares the hell out of me we are for the first time talking properly being honest as well he has work mates he can talk to and work to escape to i dont have either i have the gym but i,m training there not talking so it doesnt help to much i dont want to start over again done that 3 times already i want to make this work but i,m lost as to how :0( and untill now i have never ever spoken to anyone outside us about anything we do but there comes a time when a problem shared might just help me focus
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7 July 2008, 3:19 PM
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WildMare
Joined 13 Jun 2008
11 posts
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This sounds like what I went through last November. We'd had a great night out on the Friday at my riding club presentation where I won a couple of trophys and he told me how proud he was, then Sunday evening he told me that he wanted a life!!! By the way he's older than I am (he's 54, I'm 41) but it came as a shock as I didn't think that anything was wrong. He asked me if I wanted him to leave but I said I didn't as I wouldn't be able to afford the mortgage/bills on my own and that I wouldn't let him take my house away from me. The worst thing was, as it was nearly Xmas he still wanted us to do the 'norm' as if nothing had happened and he still cooked my meals and we'd go for a drink, just couldn't get my head round it. We have been on holiday since and looking forward to the next one in September but the start of this year was awful not knowing if he was going to go or not but I think it all boiled down to the fact that we lost his brother a few years ago whilst in his 50's and now he's getting to the same age and he's panicking. Just remember at least you are talking and as long as it's civilised think positive. If he thinks everything is ok why are you feeling that there is something wrong? Has he given you something that makes you feel that things aren't right? We still have our moments but fingers crossed things seem fine and yours will sort it self out too. Just remember you are not on your own. Take care x
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Live each day as it comes
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7 July 2008, 3:23 PM
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Dee
Joined 23 Jun 2007
1216 posts
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i cant put that on here lmao but we have just been drifing along he is the sort that works things thru himself and gets on with what he has its all pretty complicated but im a very young 43 he,s an old 36 i dont even know how to put it in to words really i feel we can work it out he is now thinking hard which tells me he,s realised i, not what he wants anymore and the sensible side of me says to start making arrangements to leave but i dont want to put my kids thru that
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7 July 2008, 3:38 PM
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WildMare
Joined 13 Jun 2008
11 posts
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Don't do anything rash, this might just be a storm in a teacup. Have you been together long?
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Live each day as it comes
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7 July 2008, 8:34 PM
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kitty
Joined 31 Aug 2007
6795 posts
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hey dee! i cant help ive never stuck around long enough for serious relationships i dont think they exist at my age people just like to think they do lol anyways i just wanted to reply and say im sorry your going through hard times right now and i hope you find the support your looking for and thing sort themselves out for you
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my sunshine doesnt come from the sun in the skies
it comes from the love in my dogs eyes x
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7 July 2008, 9:09 PM
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Wendy
Joined 17 Jul 2007
227 posts
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I have loads of time to chat been through most things now divorced you name it l've probably been there. I'm here if you need me
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7 July 2008, 9:32 PM
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rin tin tin
Joined 25 Mar 2007
1193 posts
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Hi Dee , i'm so sorry to hear that you are having problems , take note from a friend on another forum whose hubby has had a bit of a mid life crisis i think , he moved out for a while , poss seeing someone , but has recently realised what he's missing , they have talked and talked , and he has just moved back in but as a friend till they have talked it all out ( and things seem to be going well ) i have no experiences for you as i have been married for 35 years this years , since i was 18 , wev'e had our ups and downs as do most couples , but we have always done as much together as we can , and spent all our girls younger days doing things as a family , so without knowing your problems ! my advice would be talk honestly and bring up any worries , but in a calm way and no mud slinging on either part , go out and have a drink in a quiet country out of the way pub somewhere , and see how you get on , but i agree , no rash decisions that you could all regret , think about your children and animals as they will all pick up on negative vibes ( if they havn't already of course ) hope you can talk things out , if it's not to be at least try and stay friends and be civilised about it all for everyones sake , good luck and best wishes to you all at this trying time .
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A DOG IS FOR LIFE ! and always has been and always will be in my house x
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8 July 2008, 7:38 AM
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Dee
Joined 23 Jun 2007
1216 posts
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thanks for you kind words :0) he,s not having a crisis though he,s happy its me thats not we do nothing together alone cant get baby sitters have no family near i have the gym he has his pc the bottom line is i,ve pushed him away with my fiery nature and he now hates me as such and the one side of our life no longer exsits at all we do get on and my feelings havent changed for him we got together 8 yrs ago i had been in a mentally abusive marriage for 14yrs he was unhappy to and we met in a chat room lol the first 4 yrs were manic selling my house moving having 2 kids getting married now its settled the passion has long gone well for him not me but i settled for second best for so long before i vowed never again if it wasnt right and could never be i was off
( was married at 18 to a drinker and a wife beater ) but we talked again last night after i cam back form the gym went for a run to clear my head we decided to stay together for the kids as we get on well enough for that and i would curb my temper and we would work from there now i know staying for the kids isnt really right i wont put mine thru a split i waited so long to have them was 36 with first and he has 2 from his ex so spliting again and leaving them isnt what either of us wants really its more a case of working thru things now they are open i do fly off the handle at nothing some is me due to pmt some is down to stress (never had that till i had kids lol ) my youngest is a nightmare very strongminded selfish and oh so frustrating but he starts school in sept yesssssssssss hehe so that will ease it the eldest of hubbys who is 14 has been a real hell on earth kid he lives here because his mum cant cope sees her every other weekend and we see the other who is 9 and lovely i only learnt the other day to he chats to his mates at work about us like they do him now i have never done that lol i dont have close mates only people i see in the gym so that dosent he suppose i suppose but we have both agreed we dont want anyone else again so staying together makes sense i have a bit of al ike with the bird rescue here and the gym and the dog so if i left i would have nothing but the kids literally i cant do that to them i really hope i can handle my temper cos to be honest this is the best relation ship i have ever had me thinks agner management may be a good way forward ?
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8 July 2008, 8:56 AM
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petpotty
Joined 22 Sep 2005
652 posts
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hoping things work out for u Dee.x
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VISIT..... http://pottyaboutpets.proboards79.com/index.cgi .....PETFORUM
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8 July 2008, 9:21 AM
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Laney
Joined 26 Aug 2007
806 posts
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hi, so sorry to hear that you are unhappy. I have never been divorced, but come close a couple of times, sometimes its just really hard to like someone all the time, perhaps thats just the down bit on sharing your life with another. Have you tried talking to your GP, with your PMT etc., am just going through the rigmarole myself at the moment - op on thursday - but I found I de-stressed somewhat after being told that actually it wasn't me, it was a real problem. I too have a wicked temper - just driven my kids to school at the speed of light, my youngest is a hormonal daughter and my eldest has more than his fair share of moments! - wanted to come straight home and frog march my girls on their walk but its raining! - you can be given something to curb tempers from the doctors, perhaps an anti depressant? Sounds like you want to be happy, I had a very abusive childhood and still suffer with commitment, my hubby definately gives out more affection than he gets back, contact your GP, they may refer you for a little bit of counselling which could help. Again, like me, you sound like you have cut off a little from the outside world, perferring the feathered and furred variety of companionship, as much as they listen without prejudice its not healthy to mull over problems on your own. I don't have family either, and only a handful of really good friends, most live a good hour away in the car, I like it that way but it does get lonely and then if you are just a little bit down, the world can cave in. Do contact your GP, admitting you are stuck in a rut can be a huge weight lifted. Best of luck Dee, you always give lovely advice on here, you know that saying....a friend in need is a bl****y nuisance....no....wrong one.....a problem shared is a problem halved! Hope you get some good advice. Laney.
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8 July 2008, 10:34 AM
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Dee
Joined 23 Jun 2007
1216 posts
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doctors and pmt do not mix lmao i been there when i was 25 almost had a hysterctomy due it and other problems nothing works anti depressants make me worse i wouldnt even take them when i had pnd i,m so used to working it thru myself i use herbal stuff dont like pills lol my pmt isnt all of it though lots of issues for the rest ones i do not want to confront really main problem being i locked me away for so long before that once hubby met me and set me free i found it hard to curb but at least i can see it now and i dont like it either so its me that wants to stop it and i,m trying its really helping to hear others stories too knowing i,m not the only one that has the fiery nature although mine on occasions has been beyond that to red mist so so not good laney you sound just like me at school time hehehe and yes i dont do people in fact my idea life would be just me and my animals in the middle of know where i do tend to push people away lots almost a way of testing them i dont trust anyone never have except hubby he is the only one in the whole world i have let myself trust i was bullied all thru school from day one so i guess i now have almost become the bully myself i,m horrid to my stepson (but unlike his mum i didnt forget his birthday on sunday pfft i made a big effort ) but then he aint nice to me so swings and roundabouts lmao seeing the problem and wanting to change is the biggest step if my hubby can give up smoking i can be nice again i will do anything for anyone me which leaves me wide open to being taken for granted and being kicked down for it over time you forget how to be nice then i guess the reason i did this thread is cos you all seem so genuine and warm hearted that i felt maybe it would help and i have it say it has a lot :0)
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8 July 2008, 3:42 PM
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karen 4 bullys
Joined 29 Mar 2008
70 posts
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Oh Dee I'm sorry to hear about your unhappy marriage but you do have cyber friends on here and I'm sure if you want to chat to others, others will listen to you Hun ,,you are always there for others NOW its your turn Hun ..speak out and let others try and help in any way they can ..stay strong chin up and ride the waves ..;0)
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8 July 2008, 11:23 PM
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Exotica
Joined 10 Nov 2007
7 posts
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Hi Dee, you got my email addy, please feel free to give me a shout if you wanna chat, I know all about relationship problems, having them myself.
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9 July 2008, 12:29 PM
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Nobby
Joined 26 Feb 2007
3822 posts
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Dee, you sound like me!! I have messaged you, email me if you need someone to let steam off to - i will understand, and probably do it back too!!
Life is hard sometimes, init. :-(
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Love me..Love my animals! :-p
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9 July 2008, 12:51 PM
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Dee
Joined 23 Jun 2007
1216 posts
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not recieved that yet nobby :0)thanks all its great having so much support i was feeling very alone with this till now ;0)
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9 July 2008, 12:57 PM
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Nobby
Joined 26 Feb 2007
3822 posts
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Oh ok, Just sent another one! :-)
Does it come through the email, or here?
___________________
Love me..Love my animals! :-p
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9 July 2008, 6:51 PM
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kitty
Joined 31 Aug 2007
6795 posts
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you get an email from preloved with the message attached nobby!!hope you gets to feeling better soon dee
___________________
my sunshine doesnt come from the sun in the skies
it comes from the love in my dogs eyes x
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9 July 2008, 10:17 PM
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Nobby
Joined 26 Feb 2007
3822 posts
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Ah i see, thanks kitty - technology is not my strong point!! lol
___________________
Love me..Love my animals! :-p
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