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daughter can`t get back to school
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daughter can`t get back to school
16 February 2009, 9:55 PM
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Hily
Joined 8 Feb 2008
21 posts
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My daughter has had a lot of trouble since starting her secondary school.Girls have not been kind to her which caused her to self harm.We tried to change her to her best friends school but after teachers and wellfare woman said we will support you and Lucy.Headmaster didn`t back us.Lucy works well and is well behaved,when in school.They would`nt change tuetter groups until lucy saw Cams lady then phone call from school she can change.She has managed almost 12mnths in a fashion then just before xmas upset again and won`t go back.Since october she has self harmed by Anorexia and is back at cams who i feel have`nt helped yet.Had meetings at school but you can tell they are not really interested they just expect lucy to just walk back in.In desperation last week I took her to a Hypnotist but idon`t think it has worked.I just want her to go to school and be happy.The only school she wants to go to is the one her best friend goes to and she has a few other friends there too.She is missing so much of her work it is very worring.I feel stressed and at my whitts end are there any other parents in this situation.She was so happy at primary school.
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daughter can`t get back to school
17 February 2009, 0:51 AM
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Nobby
Joined 26 Feb 2007
6188 posts
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aww, poor girl. I havent got a child in this position - but i was that child in this position when i was at school.. Its really hard, especially without the school's backing. Personally i hated every moment of secondary school and did my utmost to ensure i never had to go back..making myself ill, anorexia etc etc. My mum still made me go every day though and i slowly plodded through. I cant really give you any advice other than have you looked into the possibility of sending her to another school or even home-schooling? A fresh start may work..but shes probably in the mindset of anorexia anyway, and would carry on even if she was feeling better (coz its a control-issue - many girls do it coz they feel that its the only thing they can control in their lives.)
Have you sought any pschological help for her?
___________________
Love me..Love my animals! :-p
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daughter can`t get back to school
18 February 2009, 4:56 PM
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ladygrace
Joined 28 Nov 2008
434 posts
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yes this is sad....this things girls have to go through to "fit in" or even just "be" we should be focusing more on our future mothers....and give them the nurturing they so deserve.
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...Oooh child, things are gonna get easier...
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daughter can`t get back to school
18 February 2009, 10:32 PM
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susie
Joined 1 Sep 2008
535 posts
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hi hiley, sorry to hear about your troubles but your not alone,my son just started year 7 and is having a real *!#%!@ time as well,ive just read most of wat u said but was caught by the word "CAMS" could u tell me wat this is as it has been mentioned at my sons school but didnt really understand wat they ment,
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daughter can`t get back to school
19 February 2009, 12:03 PM
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Hily
Joined 8 Feb 2008
21 posts
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Hi sorry to hear about your son.A friend of mine I don`t see very often now as she has gone to work full time came to see me yesterday and her son is in year 8 he has had trouble at the same school as my daughter and she has now been put in touch with cams.It is a councilling place for children and teens with all sorts of problems.If you take your son to your docter and explain about what is going on at school and how it is affecting him,If you have a cams or simaler near you he could referr your son.He will have meetings with them about every 2to 3 weeks and you will be involved too.The trouble with this it is not a quick solution.
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daughter can`t get back to school
19 February 2009, 10:31 PM
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sillymw
Joined 31 Jan 2009
20 posts
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Hi. I'm really sorry to hear about all of your troubles and how you feel the school really isn't helping you or your daughter. I am glad to hear that CAMHS is involved (and it stands for Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service). However, I also agree with our friend who said that with the anorexia too it's not just a school issue there is something else much more deeply rooted in her problem which must be absolutely horrendous for her and dreadful for you to watch - my heart goes out to your whole family. Even with CAMHS' help and possibly moving her to another school near her friends it may not solve her issues - have you asked your local ed authority if they have a special unit designed for school fobics/refusers? These are sometimes called pupil referral units PRUs and can offer the sort of sheltered environment your daughter needs whilst she deals with her other underlying problems. They are NOT drop out dumps nor luny bins - I know I work in one in Wales! Alternatively, if you are sure that the majority of her problems are based around school and social issues then home schooling can be an option but not to be entered into lightly - this is your daughter's future education you're dealing with - you would need to be sure that you could provide her with a "broad and balanced curriculum" that is " appropriate to her age and ability" and your LEA will be checking!Good luck and I hope things work out for you - you are obviously a very good mum to be this worried but take heart as one of the others said they hated school but have survived and emerged the other side to make what seems a very nice, caring and well balanced adult. SM x
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daughter can`t get back to school
20 February 2009, 12:03 PM
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Hily
Joined 8 Feb 2008
21 posts
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Hi I am interested to know about this place you work in as I thought if she was asked to go to a referal place it would have pupils who have been bullying or dissruptive in it.Do they go daily or board there like I saw on tv a little girl of 8yrs old having to stay at this house until she gained weight.It is upseting but if that is what it takes as parents need a break too as it is so draining and stressfull.You need people with experience to help you.Thankyou.
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daughter can`t get back to school
20 February 2009, 1:09 PM
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susie
Joined 1 Sep 2008
535 posts
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"STRESS" isn,t the word, im off, moving away from it all,really had enough even the grown up has started on him now, it ok 4 them to call the police on him but when we tell the cops the man next door tried running him over they not interested,..........................................................makes me sick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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daughter can`t get back to school
20 February 2009, 2:12 PM
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sillymw
Joined 31 Jan 2009
20 posts
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Hi Hily. The PRU I work in is actually for school girl mums but we have a sister one in our area specifically for school phobics too and there are no bullies etc there just kids who have problems with coping in school and often mental health problems too. In our area these are run like ordinary day schools but they are not designed for really intensive therapies they are just very supportive, tiny schools where CAMHS and other support services can come in and offer councelling etc. I am not particularly familiar with what happens in other areas especially in England so I suggest you contact your local ed authority and ask to speak to the person in charge of learning support sometimes called EOTAS service (education other than at school). Hopefully they will be able to tell you what is available in your area but pupils are usually referred there by their mainstream school via CAMHS etc - you as a parent can not request normal transfer like you would in any other ordinary school. However, if things are as bad as you feel they are and you feel that residential support is needed then you may well have to become a "pushy parent" and thump a few doctors' desks along with Ed psychologists and possibly insist on a referral to a Psyciatrist for assessment. I assume you have Googled "support for teenage anorexics " as they will know much better than me how the system works. Good luck Hily and I hope you all can find a light at the end of this horrible tunnel.
SM x
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daughter can`t get back to school
20 February 2009, 5:13 PM
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Hily
Joined 8 Feb 2008
21 posts
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Thankyou you have been a good help.I can talk to cahms on Monday about this.
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daughter can`t get back to school
20 February 2009, 10:24 PM
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Lucy
Joined 7 Jul 2008
508 posts
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How sad to hear of parents having all these problems and not getting the support they need from schools. Why has our country got into such a state that our kids are so unhappy,. not to mention the worry for their parents. I do hope you get the help you need.
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daughter can`t get back to school
21 February 2009, 4:39 PM
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Hily
Joined 8 Feb 2008
21 posts
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Thankyou.
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