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SMACKING
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SMACKING
15 March 2009, 8:49 PM
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pramaholicmum
Joined 15 Feb 2009
39 posts
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just find it really gut renching when i see small children being smacked!!
i witnessed a large father smack his small son round the head yesterday and before the blow happened his son cowerd down ,His girlfriend said nothing the reason for the smack the boy had asked for the toilet .I as an adult stuck up for the child to which i got a torent of abuse i explained to the mother that and father that he had actually just assaulted his son for no reason and it really sickened me to think what they do in there own homes . I am a mum of three and god knows its trying, But to raise my hand i'd rather cut it off, I was never smacked the fear of a telling off was enough ,and my parents always used to say if i did it i wouldnt keep my children for long !!and how many parents smack when there in a good mood . I have work with young people which are in care and adoptions that are breaking down and the stories these youngsters tell me are heart breaking . So please if you do smack or no someone who smacks try a positive parenting course there free and run in all surestart centres thankyou just had to get that off my chest
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SMACKING
15 March 2009, 9:46 PM
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Nobby
Joined 26 Feb 2007
6188 posts
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At the risk of an ear-bashing here...i actually dont believe the odd smack now and again does any harm. I was raised in a very strict family, which was actually abusive. I certainly dont support THAT, and NEVER a smack to the head etc as its dangerous. But, i have tapped my girls hands when they were little, and the odd tap to their backsides. Overall they have not been brought up to cower from me, they are not afraid of me, but they also know there is a point past which they do not push!! Its not somethign which happens regularly, in fact i cant actually remember the last time i had to actually do it, and i would never EVER consider touching another person's child. Its my decision as a parent to have raised them this way, and being brought up in worse ways myself, i am aware of the lines i will not cross. I will also add that its a last resort after other warnings and punishments, but i am not completely against it.
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SMACKING
16 March 2009, 8:44 AM
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petpotty
Joined 22 Sep 2005
877 posts
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im against smackin children. i dont believe it achieves anything only creating fear. whether anyone agrees with it or not theres one thing an adult should never do EVER and thats hit a child on the head.
well done pramaholicmum for speakin up for this child.
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SMACKING
16 March 2009, 9:56 AM
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pramaholicmum
Joined 15 Feb 2009
39 posts
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if a mother thinks smackings ok then so does a child !! no its not ok and ask any child thats smacked how it feels. If thats ok then we might as well say domestic violence is ok too. If wife doesnt get tea on table a good slap is what she deserves! Sorry but my eldest daughters nearly 16 and i was a young mum and god knows it was hard but smacking anywhere achives nothing only fear thankyou petpotty !
yes my children have been brought up strict but fear of dissapointment and letting my children know how feelings get hurt by actions has always worked for me and on a lighter note my eldest is taller than me now and would give me some back lol !!
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SMACKING
16 March 2009, 12:44 PM
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Spearmint
Joined 22 Jan 2008
251 posts
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On another note my lil one with special needs is now doing martial arts because other peoples brats seem to single her out and are both verbally and pysically nasty to her. Also so she can at least have a fighting chance against an adult if it ever came to it, I wasnt so fortunate as a kid so im gonna make sure she can stand her ground.
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SMACKING
16 March 2009, 1:58 PM
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Karen
Joined 16 Feb 2009
15 posts
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That wasn't a smack.
A smack is a controlled tap on the bottom or a hand to enforce a rule or show disproval of what a child has done.
A smack is something that is done to a small child so that they remember not to do something (that is often dangerous to themselves, like playing with a lighter or opening an oven door for example).
A smack is something that isn't done in anger.What you have described here is a bully victimising a child for no reson other than that he can.
To hit, slap, clip or thump a child for no reason (and the child wanting to use the toilet is 'no reason'), is disgusting and well done you for voicing your opinion to the parents of this poor child.
You are right, if that is what they will do outside and in public, what do they do away from the 'prying eye'.
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SMACKING
16 March 2009, 2:35 PM
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pc
Joined 6 Nov 2007
259 posts
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Hi....my kids when they were little had the odd tap on their bums..or on their hands...never anywhere else..this was always enough to warn them that they had done wrong...i was only hit once as a child..my mom just used to have to look at me and i knew if i didnt stop doing whatever it was i was in trouble...my sister in laws hubby is a nasty man...hes punched.. slapped ..hit...whatever to his kids..hes hit them on the head.. in the face.. on the back..in the chest..and his wife just lets him do it....i couldnt allow that myself...afraid I'd have to slap hubby if mine did that....and hes wacked them in the street too..given them bruises etc...I remember long time back wen their kids were young..the middle child went to school with a bruise on her shoulder...teacher asked how she got it and she said daddy had done it...he arrived home that day to find the social services waiting for him..they questioned him and my sis in law and then went....but after they had left..by god..didnt the child get it...and now he wonders why his kids (all grown up) wont have anything to do with him? I wonder why
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SMACKING
16 March 2009, 3:19 PM
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Nobby
Joined 26 Feb 2007
6188 posts
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pramaholic, thats ur opinion and ur entitled to it..but "ask any child whos been smacked if its ok..." I was abused as a child, smacked/locked in rooms etc etc i could list many things here but i dont dwell on the past. I still have smacked my children when naughty, and still agree with it. OBVIOUSLY the incident you mention is extreme (as was my upbringing) and completely out of order and i totally agree with you for standing up for that child - but to tap a hand when a child is naughty, i dont see the problem with that. Just my opinion as a child who was often more than smacked!
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SMACKING
16 March 2009, 3:20 PM
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ladygrace
Joined 28 Nov 2008
434 posts
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Im very against "smacking" children.....a tap on the bottom im ok with...never on the hands though.....
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SMACKING
16 March 2009, 4:36 PM
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pramaholicmum
Joined 15 Feb 2009
39 posts
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Hi, have worked all my working life with addicts and abused children, and its not just my opinion i have seen the effects from learnt behaviour my mum didnt smack because her father did and she vowed never to do it !
Its a very old fashioned view ,and when my children fly the nest i will be foster caring something i wouldnt be allowed to do had i smacked my children ,we are all entitled to our opinions but mine will never change, The law is so vague soon im sure it will be classed as assault as spitting is now, mad to think if you spit on an adult you can be convicted of assault but smacking a childs ok
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SMACKING
16 March 2009, 4:54 PM
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petpotty
Joined 22 Sep 2005
877 posts
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pramaholicmum do we work in the same field? lol. in my opinion any smack or tap that is hard enough to cause pain is to much.
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SMACKING
16 March 2009, 6:00 PM
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pramaholicmum
Joined 15 Feb 2009
39 posts
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is that the crazy world of young offenders in care?
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SMACKING
16 March 2009, 10:45 PM
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Nobby
Joined 26 Feb 2007
6188 posts
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Could i just say that not all abused children end up in care/as addicts/young offenders etc! You have a limited view of people who have been abused because you only work with one section of them..and obviously they have not dealt with what has happened to them (not saying that they should, its far from easy and everyone deals with it differently..) BUT, those of us who havent ended up that way do exist too, i am not alone. I am not condoling a beating, nor anything which really causes pain - but the odd tap now and again, in my opinion is ok.
I have fostered already, i have also worked as a nanny - my professional life is very different. I would not dream of touching another person's child in that way, as i feel its not my right to do that as i am not their parent. But for my own children i feel i do have the right to bring them up as i see fit. They are not afraid of me, are well-rounded, generally well-behaved, considerate children. Its not done them any harm, and im sure they wont be sitting on a psychologist's couch in adulthood because of it!
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Love me..Love my animals! :-p
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SMACKING
16 March 2009, 11:22 PM
 Edited by petpotty 16 March 2009, 11:23 PM
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petpotty
Joined 22 Sep 2005
877 posts
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discipline is one thing but nobody and i repeat nobody has the "right" to inflict pain on a child.
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SMACKING
17 March 2009, 10:18 AM
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pramaholicmum
Joined 15 Feb 2009
39 posts
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I will end the conversation there ! no i dont have a limited view and as i dont air dirty linen in public either i wasnt born with a silver spoon .I have great respect for all the people i have worked with and they have always respected me sorry but you seem to think care is bad and actually its not ! i think you have a very tainted view i have seen things from a broad spectrum and still stand by as adults we should behave like adults i think will will have to agree to disagree with this one and cheers petpotty !!
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SMACKING
17 March 2009, 5:58 PM
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geerarffe
Joined 23 May 2007
469 posts
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Sorry but I'm with nobby on this one. I had things thrown at me, slippers/belts/walking sticks across the back side, scutches round the ear, etc. Looking back now I appreciate the punishment to the consequence of my actions at the time. Some kids don't respond to the disaproving tone and need a physical deterant. You tell a kid not to touch the iron cos it's hot it probably still will because it's curious how hot. You take their had tell them why and give their hand a tap acts as reinforcement.
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SMACKING
17 March 2009, 6:29 PM
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petpotty
Joined 22 Sep 2005
877 posts
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if a parent has to resort to hitting their child then in my opinion its not the fault of the child.... maybe parenting classes would be an idea?
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SMACKING
17 March 2009, 6:54 PM
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Nobby
Joined 26 Feb 2007
6188 posts
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lol pramaholic - wher on earth did i say care was bad?!! I HAVE fostered abused kids myself!! I think you need to re-read my comments..not ONE has been either personal, insulting nor include the statements you've quoted me on!!
I CANT have a tainted view coz i WAS an abused child myself!! Nothing wrong with that and i dont see it as airing dirty linen - is that how you see children who have been abused? That they should be ashamed>?!! I certainly dont. In my opinion, yes it was harrowing at the time..but it makes me who i am today - and seeing as im still here, moving on in life with no guilt/aggression/resentment towards my abuser..i think i've done pretty well, myself!! lol I was merely stating that not all abused kids end up in care with the feelings which you mentioned in ur post. I feel i am pretty well qualified to speak on behalf of the kids who were like me. :-)
Agreeing to disagree is fine, i was merely putting forwards a different opinion to urs - its called a discussion/debate. That is what the forums are here for. Of course we will all differ in opinions and i have fully respected urs..doesnt mean i have to agree with you. When i discipline my kids with a smacked bottom or hand, it doesnt even cause pain - its the shock/suprise factor. Either way, it works for me and as i already sed, i will raise my kids how i see fit. :-)
It annoys me whenever someone mentions the word "smack" people assume it means a beating to within inches of their lives!!
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Love me..Love my animals! :-p
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SMACKING
17 March 2009, 9:43 PM
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pramaholicmum
Joined 15 Feb 2009
39 posts
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How do you do it!! wow dont know how you find the time but if you find it good therapy go girl!!! i think if you read all messages you write teenage pregnancy smacking etc you back track alot well anyway the debate goes on but to shock my kids i have dinner on table on time lol! or get dressed before 12 on a sunday!
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SMACKING
17 March 2009, 11:03 PM
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Nobby
Joined 26 Feb 2007
6188 posts
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Im sorry i dont get u..wot hav i backtracked on? Quote me where i've done that, please...? Am i not allowed opinions on teenage pregnancies/smacking etc then, if they disagree with urs?!
I have stuck to my point the entire way through this discussion. I think you have read wot you want to, rather than wots there...?
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Love me..Love my animals! :-p
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